Wedding Readings

There is something rather wonderful about sharing a special day with people you care about.
Last Saturday, my cousin (newly upgraded to Lil Sis) got married.

Like all weddings it had a pivotal moment. This came when Gen didn't repeat the name of her intended during the wedding vows. A collective "WTF" from all gathered. No, really. My mind was filled with "has she changed her mind?"

A collective sigh of relief when she kick-started her mouth and normal order was resumed.

Anyway, I was given the honour of reading.
I searched for a few days and then found a piece "The Quiet World" by Jeffrey McDaniel. (1998) 


“In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred 
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear 
without saying hello. In the restaurant 
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover, 
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today. 
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words, 
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line 
and listen to each other breathe."

 
Incredible. Breath-taking. Brilliant.
However, it didn't seem "soft" enough. So, I decided to write for Gen and Tayeb. English isn't Tayeb's first language so meaning was more important than words.
This seemed about the right mix:



My Love For You.            ADZ (2013)

More than anything I wish for you to know
Of this inner thing that makes my eyes fill with tears
Whenever I take a simple breath to tell you.
I love you.
When I gaze upon your face and absorb the essence of you
My heart beats faster, my ribcage expands, my senses awaken.
I am paralysed for the briefest of moments by a fear
That I might not be able to contain a single particle more
Of this love for you.
I smile on the inside, even when I am grumpy with the world
Because you are my light that dispels moods and shadows.
I have you as my guide and companion.
You make me feel safe.
And courageous.
There is now a lightness in my attitude, allowing me to enjoy the adventure as it unfolds.
I look at you and I know
That if I nurture this love, this beautiful, glorious love I have for you
And keep it as alive as it is today
I will be the luckiest person to walk on this earth.
I truly love you.


I wish them completeness in their life together. I have been around them a lot recently and it has been enriching to witness their special and tight bond.
Love and light, to you G&T!

x

The Tenuous Thread of Life

Today I write to you with a sadness that is beyond overwhelming.

Recently, my beloved Godmama died suddenly with no indication of previous illness. Fortunately, Godpapa and my cousin were with her. She wouldn't have been aware of heart stopping. She was too young to leave this world so quickly.

To try and tell you of what a wonderful woman she was is just words that will be skimmed over...but she was like no-one I had ever met, or likely to meet again. I count my blessings that she loved me from the moment of my arrival. And to be loved by her is...was joyful. In recent years I came to know that she gave-up a lavish wedding in order to have me as her (only) bridesmaid; that she was cornered into "not bestowing" upon me; that her heart, mind and home were more open to me than that of my paternal mother.

I could go on.

But what I would most like to share is "raw emotion."

When death is sudden the shock it creates is of a magnitude quite beyond comprehension.

I felt my heart squeeze to try and restrict pain.

I noticed my lungs tighten to refuse oxygen.

I was aware of a knot in my stomach that was pulling my appetite into nothingness.

And my head...

The headache that constantly accompanies a myriad of memories playing behind my eyes.

My dreams that are nightmares which will forever leave a disgusting imprint in my skull.

The invisible, unrelenting pressure of the outside world against my crown.

My eyes are tired of searching for beauty.

The tears are still full and round.

A funeral is a place to say goodbye.

The afterwards is to try and get back to routines.

I don't warrant these as my truths.

It's not that I am being obstinate or stubborn, Heaven only knows how much I would like to feel OK about her dying...but I'm not. I'm devastated. 

I do understand that time lessens the intensity of loss and pain...and grief.

It is a good thing to keep memories alive by speaking, sharing and enjoying.

I have a photograph in my house, the only one currently on show. It is a 10 x 8 b/w of my Godparent's wedding day with myself as a little girl in a pretty dress and smile so pure.

I will forever love my darling Godmama. RIP.

Farewell 2012

12 January 2013

Happy, happy New Year to you!

I can't tell you how thankful I am that last year is done...gone...over.
My ups were fabulous.
Marathon.
Sri Lanka.

Being No 1 in my last company and leaving within a week of that announcement to join a pretty cool, "up-there" and superior company.
Leap-year birthday.
Olympics.

My downs were far too often to be strengthening for the spirit to be of any merit or development.
Best we don't go there in any great detail...but I will share with you my relief at not having to tolerate a handful of particularly nasty people on a regular basis. Hell, yes.

So, rather than tell you of my intentions for this amazing, fantastic, inspiring 2013 I shall just take a moment to breathe.
I will be back in the next couple of days to I give you a few of the unlikely snippets I am intending to embark upon, complete and in some cases excel at. Oh, yes. Hold onto your hats...this is going to be an adventurous year.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

...Suck Harder.

You think I'm joking? Afraid not.
This has been a testing week and it is only Wednesday.

Monday: New refrigerator arrives. I have been wanting a new one for 2yrs and 5 months and 10 days.
Anyway, Jobsworth arrived with his touchpad and stylus and very lovely Underling (kept locked in lorry.) No shoe covers. Also deaf when it came to request of shoes to be wiped on (XL) door-mat and additional floor covering. (light carpets are a joy until VIP delivery men arrive.)
Jobsworth looked perplexed when he discovered integrated old unit was still integrated. "Not my job. You need an engineer." I pressed the point that I had informed both retailer and distributor of this important fact and paid the additional sum for "installation."
Underling was more gentle and made suggestions as to how best to tackle integrated unit, (which includes dismantling built-in oven and housing) much to Jobsworth's annoyance. Outer packaging was removed. Shiny, new appliance left in middle of (small) kitchen. 
I had the good grace to wish Season's Greetings...just as my inner "Super-Heroine" unzipped her thigh-high boots and started rubbing her feet.

Tuesday: Bullied (again) by someone who by this very behaviour has bred an environment comfortable only to those who are venomous, insipid, weak and nasty enough to take pleasure from perpetuating this. Good luck. Seasons Greetings. Strangely, I know this will be read by this person. Confidently, I know I am now untouchable.

Today: HMRC have mis-read P46 last month and snatching back for their mistake this month. Lovely Financial chap at my company spent 20 minutes softening the blow of a new tax bracket and heavily deducted month. "OUCH!" doesn't even come close. Having a filling without numbing injection beforehand is a breeze in comparison.

However, today, I had the blessing of a knight in shining armour (who will be prompted in this direction.) Good things happen to good people. This is what was extended to me. I am very pleased, slightly in awe but more than anything, fired-up and capable. Thank-you...lots.

Anyway, in order to do battle with another day, I must rest, empty my mind of junk (bring forth my dreams in technicolour and with sound) and know that I am stronggg and soft with a propensity to do amazing things every single day. 

I'll keep you posted.
Night-night.

I Heart #Boston.

I have just returned from MA. I am beyond lucky to be working for a "superior" technology brand in the IaaS (infrastructure as a service) space whose headquarters are situated in Manchester, NH.  
And as I was moving and shaking with "the guys" for a couple of weeks, I decided to indulge in a little "me" time and made it to the delightful city of Boston.

Before this trip to the US, I always thought that I would lay my hat in NYC as first (and only) choice if opportunity ever allowed. 
However, I have changed my mind. (C'mon, I am a girl!) 
Boston rocks. It has vibrancy, flavour, subtlety and warmth. Not often does a city offer-up such an immediate appeal...and it is home to so many runners (I wish I had thought to pack my runners in overnight bag!)

But more so, it seems so familiar with great architecture and fabulous seafood, nice shops and phenomenal educational establishments. (MIT being on the spines of countless text books in my bookcase.)

So, where has this left me? 
Pining after sweetest lobster ever tasted, desiring a place in Boston Marathon 2013 and hell-bent on a (funded) research PhD placement in MA.

And what is the remedy?
Cuddle-up in my newly-purchased, softest "Boston" hoodie and get creative with my plan/s to make this my reality.

Oh, and if any of you might have any suggests, you know I am always most grateful to receive...and act upon the good ones! In advance, thank-you.

Best wishes,

Life Happens Between Travels.

So much has happened since my last posting and I will do no more than apologise for my absence rather than try and fill-in all of the gaps.

I have been to London not to see the Queen but regularly for work and also for a little Olympic action, Scotland, Paris for birthday celebrations (of which I have a celebrated a real one - meaning that my birthday comes in the same year as Olympics!) and also to beautiful Sri Lanka. I am also spending a couple of weeks in US soon and am desperate to squeeze a weekend break to Venice before Christmas. I have decided that I like having no more than 4 weeks to look forward to a trip. Sri Lanka was 4 days.

Unfortunate, however, that I am in the midst of changing names on my passport which means that all of my stamps from previous 5 years are to be no more. Not only that, even for a mere name change, I have to fill-out yet another ridiculously confusing form, get chilly in a photo-booth (why are they always in particularly busy and public places?) and stump-up the princely sum of eighty-odd-quid. Speechless. Also passport-less at the moment. Best I get a wriggle on.

I have decided that at least once-a-week I will be revisiting my blog. It's the only way I shall ever get back into the good practice of publishing more than twice a year. I know, I should be shot.

Laters.

 
 

Two Shoes

Ok.

This post is nothing to do with kissing (or lack of) or preparation for my next piece of work or anything really significant.

I remember that my first blog was just humourous observations of my life and the random things I find amusing that others either miss, ignore or choose to find not funny.

Well, anyway. Two shoes. Current and topical if one subscribes to X-Factor and witnessed two endearing gals from Essex who were the very epitome of their county. But these are not the Two Shoes to which I refer.

Upon leaving work this evening, a colleague pointed out a pair of Ugg-like boots abandoned on the ramped access to the building. "What are your thoughts as to why they are there?" he asked.
Not your average comment from anyone let alone a busy, young gent accompanying his pretty, pregnant girlfriend to the motor.

I observed the floppy boots. They were in fair condition so suffice to say the owner hadn't just discarded them in embarrassment or discomfort. They were also in a pair, touching each other, almost hopeful that if they stayed together they had more chance of being reunited with their owner. They looked a little scared.

Perhaps their owner had been plucked in an upwards motion, lifted out of them and they fell off skinny legs being that they were a little bit baggy after a few months of solid wear. A tall, athletic and obviously devilishly handsome chap had literally whisked her off of her feet. Or aliens had abducted her. Or...I haven't yet established another or.

Anyway, back to the oddity of Two Shoes.

The young gent, Josh, who remarked about Two Shoes and I were in conversation with another colleague, Harry, about One Shoe the previous week. I have no idea how or who started the conversation but I was amazed that inebriated girls who were too, erm, inebriated to totter any further in their heels were the main focus of random, single shoes.

"But what about on motorways? How often have you seen just a single shoe in the central reservation?" Nods and Hmms. "Also gutters. Lots of single shoes in gutters....usually paint-splattered."

I shared with the gents that possibly the motorway-kill footware could be due to being unwittingly placed on a parcel shelf with the rear windows opened and well, a slight wiggle on the steering wheel and it was over in an instant.

As for the gutter-snipe discards, my musings led me to sharing that it could be a painter and decorator who didn't wish to spoil good shoes and hadn't realised that One Shoe had set for freedom on his run to the station/for the bus/pissed from six pints after work.

And then I volunteered my own close brush with becoming the owner of half a pair of runners recently. It was as as I hurtled down a steep, longgg and busy hill to work. In my haste to cram gym-kit into my rucksack and into my basket before the dash to work, I hadn't squeezed, squashed and done battle with the zip enough to contain everything. As I free-wheeled faster and faster down the hill, overtaking stationary traffic and avoiding puddles (yes, rain) I noticed a reliable and loved running shoe on the verge of liberation. I forced the blighter back in as hard as I could but within seconds it was escaping further than before.

Under a train bridge. Dark and scary even with both hands steering but to prevent loss I could only leave my hand on One Shoe and hope that the traffic didn't start moving. Oh, Hells Teeth. A green light, a lorry too close to the kerb and a sticky-outy tree.

Brake! Abort! Save yourself!! There's plenty more running shoes in plenty more stores...

I did get to work with Two Shoes but it was close.

I wonder if the Two abandoned Shoes will still be there tomorrow morning? I shall try and remember to post details.


Until next time,

Amanda